just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
