Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
