were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
