it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
