my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
