Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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