he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
