he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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