you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
