ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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