try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
