so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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