If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
