but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
