What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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