I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
