it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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