I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just had sex on a roof
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
