If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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