Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
being pregnant is like rehab
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
