i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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