I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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