would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
