Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
