I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
