You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
