you lied. pity sex is amazing.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
