We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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