i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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