i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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