Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
