I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
