the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
