You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
