sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
