we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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