so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
