Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
