I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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