I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
