i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
