your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
