Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
