you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
