she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
