Her vagina should come with caution tape.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
