i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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