dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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