I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
