So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
