oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
